Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
