Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
