She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
