I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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