I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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