this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
