Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
