Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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