Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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