what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
