Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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