Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
