and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
