Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
