I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
