I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
