Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
