I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
