I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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