she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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