Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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