tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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