I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
