wat bout pragnant strippers??
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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