I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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