ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
