you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
