i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
