Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
