Just fell off a train. Bad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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