Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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