so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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