and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
