I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
