we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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