No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
