Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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