last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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