i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
