Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
