I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
