she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
zippers are such a cool invention
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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