Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
