yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
