I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
