Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
