I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
