he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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