If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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