the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
