i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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