I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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