never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
