Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
