Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
