my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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