this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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