i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
