Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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  (313): remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck. http://tfl.nu/0g1v
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (668)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

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  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3304) Bad night (650)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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  (601): Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed http://tfl.nu/n1gm
  Replies (83) Good night (1152) Bad night (4821)
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14768) Bad night (2182)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2850) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup

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  (248): after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup http://tfl.nu/a67v
  Replies (22) Good night (1217) Bad night (8970)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.

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  (517): Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned. http://tfl.nu/fz01
  Replies (5) Good night (1792) Bad night (796)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2377) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk

  (813): View more from Florida

  Crosswalk actually

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  (941): Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk (813): Crosswalk actually http://tfl.nu/wtpi
  Replies (3) Good night (1495) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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  (941): I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh. http://tfl.nu/0uja
  Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (1995)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.

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  (412): So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on. http://tfl.nu/mz2g
  Replies (6) Good night (1150) Bad night (691)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed

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  (215): If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed http://tfl.nu/cmm2
  Replies (16) Good night (882) Bad night (1548)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?

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  (320): So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing? http://tfl.nu/5f4v
  Replies (3) Good night (416) Bad night (275)
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  (650): View more from California

  I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.

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  (650): I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me. http://tfl.nu/3m36
  Replies (3) Good night (391) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.

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  (517): She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off. http://tfl.nu/rnkc
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (577)

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