i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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