I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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