i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.