So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.