You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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