Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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