its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
