His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
