my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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