exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
