Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
