I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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