Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
