I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
