I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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