It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
