I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
