Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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