I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
